I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
