Pants 0. Shit 1.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
