After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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