My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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