i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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