I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found your dick twin last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
