can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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