i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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