Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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