You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
