I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
