Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
