i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
