And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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