Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
