I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
