Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Houston, we have a squirter
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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