i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
