I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"it" just moved
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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