I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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