I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
