Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
