I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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