Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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