just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
