My brain says no but my pants say off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
