remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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