This is not my ceiling
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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