why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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