oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
