i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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