so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
