The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
