im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a bag of teeth...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
