He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
