i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
