I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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