Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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