im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
