Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
