I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
