Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
