My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
