Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
