Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
