he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
