He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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