walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
