Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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