I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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