I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
