O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
