Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
