we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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