Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
